Israelis Aren’t Feeling the Good Vibrations

Firstly, if you don’t know the song Im Eshkachech and/or if you want to see a nice slide show of Yerushalayim, look here: Im Eshkachech.

Three days a week I commute from Yerushalayim to Tel Aviv on the train. When we arrive at the Beit Shemesh station, the back car of the train comes alive as men don their ta’alit and tefilin (phylacteries) and begin the morning service. Inevitably, at least once during each prayer, someone’s cell phone will ring. It won’t just ring quietly as if on vibrate. Rather it rings a loud, pronounced, obnoxious, intrusive ring. Often times people don’t answer the phone, they just let it ring a few times and send the caller to voice mail. Other times, people will answer and speak quietly, and other times, my personal favorite, people will answer just to tell the caller that they will call them back. The phone ring is an inconsiderate interruption to the prayers and is often disruptive to my concentration and the concentration of those around me.

When I get to the office, I will throughout the day hear people’s phones ringing from down the hall and will most certainly be nearly startled by Uri, my office-mate’s, blaring cell phone.

Later in the day, I attend afternoon service in the synagogue located on the 2^nd floor of my office building. It is a near inevitability that again someone will receive a call and their phone will let us all know that they are very popular.

One would at first wonder whether cell phones in this country come from another place – maybe the Israeli cell phones don’t have a vibrate function and there is no other option but to blare your ringtone to know that you are getting a call. However, I can attest that phones, at least Uri’s have vibrate capabilities, because as his phone puts on a concert staged from out desk, the vibration rumble adds a percussion section to the melodies that they produce. Also, Israelis are gadget hungry people and many people here have smart phones, blackberries, iPhones or fancy Nokias.

I have not yet understood why it is that Israelis don’t use vibrate on their phones. It kind of drives me crazy – especially during prayer services, when people don’t simply switch their phones to vibrate. I have not yet been to a movie since I arrived, but I think that will be the ultimate litmus test as to whether there are any borders of consideration when it comes to muting one’s cell phone.

So now, back to Im Eshkachech. There is a guy on the train, I have named him Im Eshkachech man. His ring tone as you may have guessed is to the song Im Eshkachech. It starts at the line “Im lo e'eleh Yerushalaim al rosh simchati” “If I set not Jerusalem above my chiefest joy,” which is the peak of the song and most strongly demonstrates the vocal prowess of Yaakov Shwekey. Im Eshkachech man’s phone goes off more often than anyone else’s on the train in the morning.

A few weeks ago, I was at afternoon services in my building and I heard it… Im Eshkachech man’s cell phone ring. I looked at the owner of the phone and realized that I did not know what Mr. Im Eshkachech looks like. The train makes 3 stops in Tel Aviv and since I get off at the last one, I spend the 15 minutes between the end of services and my stop either eating breakfast – cottage cheese – the diary products in this country are incomparable to America, everything is so fresh, or I am closing my eyes/sleeping, or I am writing blog posts. I do not pay close attention to which stop people disembark from the train.

Last week when his phone went off again, I made sure to take a good look at Im Eshkachech man and decided to pay attention to when he got off the train. Low and behold, he got off at my station! As if I were Jason Bourne, I decided to subtly follow Mr. Im Eshkachech to see where he worked and determine if he was in fact the same cell phone ringing culprit from afternoon services. Unfortunately, my secret agent training did not include a lesson on walking really slowly. Before I knew it I was walking side by side with the man I was “following.” He was headed in the general direction of my building, but was not taking the fastest route. I decided to head in my direction and if he were coming to my office I’d see he would be following me. (sneaky I know). I walked a little longer, looked back and he was gone – a true case of spy vs spy.

I have not ruled out the possibility that Mr. Im Eshkachech works in my building and/or he comes to my building for afternoon services. The mystery remains, but I will be sure to keep you informed. Until then, Agent Oracle signing off.

Hebrew Synergy

About three weeks ago, I began an intensive Hebrew course at the Hebrew University (teaches more than just Hebrew – one of the top 3 universities) in Israel. In the afternoons, after four hours of Hebrew class I trip over to Boys Town Jerusalem, to teach middle and high school boys English. In addition to giving me the opportunity to volunteer and help underprivileged boys learn English, I reasoned that my Hebrew would improve as I communicated with the students and had to explain English concepts to them in Hebrew. I was excited when last Thursday I was able to see the first of what I am sure will be many Hebrew learning synergies. In Hebrew class that morning, among other things, I had learned the word pirsoomim or liparsoom which means advertisements or too advertise. When I arrived to the school, the teacher I am working with asked me to go over an English worksheet with my boys. The work sheets theme: Help Wanted Ads. My newfound vocabulary became immediately useful as I used my new words to explain help wanted ads. In the following class, we discussed a mock advertisement for a volunteer based organization. Again in my second class the word advertising came into play. This is the kind of language reinforcement I was hoping to get out of volunteering, and I am glad it is working out well. Aside from learning Hebrew, I have a nice time with the kids. The school of 800 boys is always bustling and the kids are very rambunctious. It makes for some good times.

A little photo journalism

Below are a few pictures that I have taken on my cell phone over the past few weeks that I thought I’d share:

This first picture is of a sign that says using your cell phone in an elevator is dangerous to your health. I find it disturbing for several reasons. Firstly, why and how does someone know that and why did no one tell me that in America. Maybe it has to do with the geography or signal strength in this country. Also, I am now concerned as to how bad cell phones may actually be for your health. In a country where way too many people smoke, tons of people ride around on mopeds and motorcycles as the other Israelis drive like maniacs fleeing a psychiatric ward, there is limited fear of hitchhiking and picking up hitchhikers, and everyone serves in the army or national service, the fact that there is a sign warning me about the health impacts of a cell phone in an elevator makes me think it is really bad. Israelis laugh at dangers and scoff at fears, yet cell phones in an elevator – that is serious business.

These next pictures were taken in the makolet, the Israel equivalent to a bodega or mini-market, around the corner from my office. In the drink cooler, they have a variety of soft drinks: coke, diet coke, coke zero, sprite, diet sprite – you get the picture, then they have a selection of beers, similar to what one would find at a bodega, and then they have chilled 20 oz bottles and cup size containers with tin foil lids of vodka. This seemed a bit ridiculous to me. Who is walking down the street, goes into a mini market for some chips and decides that they also need a single service portion of vodka? I don’t know but as soon as my conversational Hebrew reaches the point that I can intelligently ask, I plan to. In the meantime, fear not - it's between the Bacardi Breezers and the Master Cafe coffee drinks.

The picture below was taken at the Ben Gurion airport when I met Atara and Daniel upon their arrival. In a country where people don’t listen to directions and a sign or even a rope is not enough, this is how you convey the message “Do not use the urinals” to bathroom patrons.

These are Marzipan rugelach – they are famous among American toursists for being delicious and borderline raw. They are super sweet, gooey and awesome. However, I must say that they are not my favorites – after 3, they make me feel ill. Not that I am eating rugelach so often on in mass quantities, but I generally don’t go for the Marzipan. More of a Ne’eman (another bakery chain) guy myself.

Lock It Up

After my key incident last week, I was given a key to the office on Sunday. I quickly put it to use that very day. At the end of every quarter, work always gets very busy. On Sunday I had a lot to do and I planned to stay late. At 9 pm, a woman in the office approached me and asked if I was going to be staying much later. When I told her I was she asked if I had a key and knew how to lock up the office! She gave me a quick rundown of the process – close the lights, alarm the door, lock it up, lock up the pantry… About an hour later, Gil – the guy notorious for being the last to leave – came to my office and told me he was heading out and that I should lock up when I am done… that's right – at 10 pm, I was left alone in the office.

The only time I can recall a similar situation in New York, was when I would work on Saturday nights. There were times that after Shabbat I’d roll into the office at 8 pm and find myself alone (as far as I knew – it was a big office). At any rate, at midnight I closed down my computer, and locked up the office as the last one to leave.

I was fortunate that my cousin Dan, who is attending Sackler Medical School lives in Ramat Aviv Gimel (just north of Tel Aviv), a 40 Shekel cab ride away. He was a great host. I got there at 12:15, hung out with him till about 1:15 and got to sleep at 1:30 – I slept on his really comfortable couch. I had set my alarm from medium sound to low in an effort to not wake up his roommates. In the morning, my alarm woke me up, but it was so faint that I thought it was his roommates. I slept through it for an hour and woke up at 9:30 realizing I was late for work. Thankfully I was only a 15 minute cab ride away and was at my desk shortly after I woke up. It was a really nice change of pace to have a commute less than an hour. Thanks again for having me Dan.

Yom Chevra

Yesterday was GSE’s Yom Chevra or Group Day. In Israel, most companies have a Yom Chevra – a day when the office is closed and the whole company goes out for a day of fun – sort of like a really cool company picnic but with more. The day’s activities were filled with mystery. We were told that there would be an activity that would involve water, there would be a team building activity, a creative/artistic event and breakfast and dinner.

My day started at 5:30, when I woke up to catch a ride that would get me to my office on time for the 8 am departure. I arrived at 7:15 and attended services in my office building and then off we went. The company filled a full coach bus and a mini-bus – about 60 something of us (a few people missed out).

Our first stop was in the Galilee at the Tishbi Winery where we eat a great Mediterranean breakfast on a large patio covered with grape vines. We enjoyed great fresh bread with Merlot and Riesling grape jelly and several tastings of wine over the course of the meal.

After breakfast, we boarded the busses and headed north. It was widely rumored that we were going kayaking – the same I had done with my family about two weeks earlier. We were less than 2 kilometers from the place when we suddenly pulled over at a gas station. We were told not to get off the bus, and so of course a bunch of people got off the bus. It at first seemed like a completely random stop. People got back on afte having picked up juices and sodas from the quickie mart – I asked the partner sitting across the aisle from me on the bus why we stopped and he said “Oh you know to get some vodka.” I chuckled and figured it was just a cigarette and drink stop. Not a minute later I looked to the front of the bus and low and behold, someone is pouring Absolute vodka into a large lemonade bottle. He wasn't joking – we stopped at a gas station quickie mart so that people could by juice and vodka. You gotta admire a country that sells hard alcohol at road side gas stations.

By the time we arrived at the kayaking (yes the rumors were true) several GSE people were feeling pretty good. The kayaking marked the violation of a personal policy that I never expected to break. When I was at New York, my policy was ‘bathing suits and co-workers do not mix. I never foresaw a situation where I would be in a bathing suite with co-workers around. This policy was established when the leader of the Due Diligence group had the whole group over for a pool side barbeque – yes we were all invited to hop in and no, none of us – save one colleague that brought her little niece – did. When we got to the kayak place I was really happy that I brought my swim trunks and quickly changed. Before we went kayaking we were divided into teams and given team shirts. I was on the blue-on-white team – our shirts said “River Master” in blue letters on a white shirt. So after breaking my bathing suit rule, I quickly broke my shirtless in front of colleagues policy and followed all the other guys suit and changed my shirt in the parking lot. After out team building challenges, we went kayaking. It was fun but not as much fun as with my family. We had the chairman of the company on our 5 man boat and sadly everyone more or less obeyed his Do Not Splash Us requests, which made the whole ride more subdued.

When we got ashore there was a make you own ice cream Sunday station awaiting us… yum. We then headed off to dinner. Dinner was at a catering hall on a kibutz – having skipped lunch, we arrived famished and went to down on the food and open bar. The caterers were carrying around drinks and people were definitely taking part, which was especially good to prepare everyone for the live band karaoke that followed dinner during desert. While some people lounged on the nice deck off the back of the hall under a beautiful clear starry night, I watched the majority of the GSE team belt out both classic and modern Hebrew songs to the beat of a live band.

I happen to love karaoke, but there was no way I could perform in Hebrew. All of the songs I know well enough to sing equate culturally to performing Yankee Doodle Dandy or Old McDonald at a karaoke place – they are nice fun songs when you a learning them in school, everyone knows them, and no adult sings them.

I was also not partaking in any great quantity in the liquid confidence. I none the less mustered up the courage to approach the band and ask if they had any English tunes. Before I knew it, I was performing “In My Life” and “Hard Day Night” by the Beatles back to back with a GSE colleague that went attended Brandeis. Israelis consistently know some English music and the Beatles are pretty popular and the songs were a great hit. After the karaoke it was time to go. As everyone was heading back to the buses, a colleague asked: “Joel did you have a nice time?” I responded in the affirmative and asked her the same. Her response “I’m wasted so what can be bad.” Quite a day indeed. The Yom Chevra gave everyone a chance to bond closely and relate to co-workers from partners to analysts in a nice personal way. I am sure that the comrodary and goodwill that results from the day is well worth the costs of a day at the office.

Nike 10.10.10 10k

On Sunday night, I ran the October 10, 2010 (10/10/10) Nike 10k in Tel Aviv. It was awesome.

I have to start off by saying that I have run more than 30 races since I got into running. I have run races varying in size and length from the New York Marathon with something like 20,000-40,000 runners (I forget the real number, but lots) to the Columbia University Dance Marathon 5k, a race with about 15 people. The Nike 10k was definitely one of the coolest.

In order to register for the race, you had to go onto Facebook and “like” the event, which then allowed you to registers. Once registered, you were returned to Facebook to design your bib number – the piece of paper with your number on that you wear on your chest. Now in some races – the ING Miami Half/Full marathon comes to mind, you can put a name on your bib. This one went way further. You got to pick your name, number, background design and “I Run” tag line. Each bib had a line under the number that started “I Run” and could be ended with a few pre-set lines or could be customized. Unfortunately, I did not realize I could customize the “I Run” line, so I was Yoel-Tzadik 220385 (my birthday) and “I Run Tel Aviv”.

I ran the race with Rachel and Itay. They met me at my office, we changed and dropped our stuff at the office and headed to the race, a short distance away. When we arrived in Rabin Square, there was quite a scene. The streets were blocked off and Nike had turned them into a club. There was loud techno blaring and people dancing. There was an unusually strong pre-race energy in the crowd. A few minutes after we started a large adult dance group got on stage and led several hundred to a thousand of the waiting runners through a series of aerobics and stretches. I have never seen anything like it – hundreds of people stretching together following a bunch of Britney Spears backup dancer look alikes with a loud techno beat in the background.

After the warm up, we began lining up for the race. After playing “I’ve got a Feeling” by the Black Eyed Peas, they ramped up the techno and off we went. Most of the kilometer markers were indicated by techno DJs blaring their electronic mixes. The DJs added to the fun atmosphere. The course was very flat (thank G-d) and the weather was perfect. I finished somewhere in the 57 minute area (results here). Shamefully, this run was the longest run I have run since the March 23^rd New York City half marathon. I ran that half marathon in 1:52, meaning that my last 10k in the half marathon was faster than my first and only 10k on last night’s run. I have fallen way out of shape from where I was. I am writing this here to hold myself accountable. I am starting to get back in shape and plan one running the Jerusalem (half) marathon in March. The half was in parenthesis, because I am considering gunning for the full marathon – in Yerushalayim, a full marathon will be grueling and extremely difficult. I ask that if you read this and remember, please ask me how my training is coming – it will keep me honest and now that I have put it out here, I have to follow through and complete the race since I hate talking about things and not getting them done. Here I go.

Me at the finish yay

After the race, I went back to about the 9.6k line and ran the last bit with my sister who finished strong like a trooper. I am super proud of her. The post-race celebration was like nothing I have ever seen at any race other than the New Years 4 mile runs in central park. The park where the race ended was set up with yet another techno DJ and a basketball court became a crazy dance floor. Sponsors were giving out popsicles, yogurts and granola bars. Everyone was wearing their medals and having a great time. Then it started to rain...

As I mentioned in a previous post, ware in Israel is taken very seriously, because there is not a lot of it. Rain here is a blessing – Luke Bryant may have been singing about Israel when he said “where I come from rain is a good thing”… I doubt it but maybe. Thankfully on Friday, Shabbat and yesterday we had some rain here. When it rains here no one complains. People often just walk through it because it doesn't rain for too long.

After the race it started to rain and the dancing just got crazier. As the lights flickered on and off and the techno blared the runners who had just completed the 6 mile course were jumping around and a fun energy reigned over the entire post-race festivities.

We decided it was time to head back and caught a cab back to my office to get our stuff and catch a bus to Yerushalayim. When we got to my office it was locked! The office has two locks – an electronic lock and an actual key lock. While I know the combination to the electronic lock, I don’t have a key.

There I was at 11 pm with no phone, wallet or keys to my apartment. We (Rachel, Itay and I) had about 140 shekel between us. We went down to security who informed us that they do not have the keys to individual offices. Usually one guy in the office works late all the time and it is assumed that he is here till midnight so when I was told the office would be open; it was banking on him staying late. He didn’t last night. Security had a number for the chairman of the company, so at 11 pm I called the chairman of the company asking if he had the key (this is of course absurd). He told me he was far away and to call Yuval, a partner who I have worked a bit with. I called Yuval and could hear a lot of noise in the background. I assumed he was at a party or a bar. He told me he did not have his keys with him and he could come to the office to give me money to take a 300 shekel (about $80) cab to Yerushalayim. This would still leave Itay, Rachel and my stuff locked in the office.

I told him not to worry about it, but he came none the less. When he arrived he was wearing the race shirt and race medal. He ran as well. He told me he lived only fifteen minutes from the office, so we took a cab to his place together and he gave me the office key. I got back to the office, unlocked it and took our stuff. It was now about 12 am and we were still a ways away from home. We were going to take the $80 plunge when my sister told me that buses run all night from Bnei Berak to Yerushalayim. Bnei Berak is one of the largest ultra-orthodox neighborhoods in the country. It is ironically very close to the ultra-secular Tel Aviv – that is the dynamic of Israel. She said that the ultra-orthodox never sleep. I was skeptical but went along with the plan. Itay calls Rachel “Rachel GPS” – she knows how to get from point A to point B really well. Rachel GPS worked wonders last night.

We took a mini-bus to the bus station and sure enough a few minutes later the 402 bus pulled up. It was absolutely crazy that at midnight the bus quickly filled with families – parents with four or five little kids boarded the bus. By the time it was finished going through the neighborhood picking everyone up, the bus was so filled that people had to stand in the isle. When we arrived to Yerushalayim, we immediately got in a cab and went home. By the time I got out of the shower and into bed I was nearly delirious. I can’t recall the last time I was that tired.

The next morning I woke up on time to go to work, I couldn't move. Anat convinced me to come in late and stay late – it was a good move. The Nike 10k was an awesome time. I definitely hope to run it again, only faster and with a smoother commute home.

Keys and The Box

Last week I had a very frustrating day followed by an awesome day. I headed to work the Sunday after the holiday break. About ten minutes after getting off the train, I realized that my keys were missing and that I probably dropped them on the train of running (literally) to catch the train. I was excited to get to the office and unpack The Box. The Box was shipped by my very best friend and office wife Ruby Verma in New York. In it was several office things including my docking station, my diploma which I need here to show to the government in order to finalize my work visa – I’m still here as a tourist, and my box of electronics – this box had a bunch of random things that I put in the box instead of my suitcases since they were fragile, including ipod speakers, a cell phone and a projector. When I arrived, The Box was torn down the side and open on top. I started to unpack it and was first saddened to see that the personalized 5 Hour Energy shot glass that Ruby got me a while back had shattered in transit! I was then very shocked to see that the box of electronics was missing. I asked at the front desk and was told that the box had been delivered torn open. I was wondering if FedEx had lost the box of electronics or if someone had stolen it. I BBM’d Ruby but it was Sunday at 4 am there at the time, so I knew I had some waiting to do. In the afternoon when I spoke to Ruby, she was not sure if she had packed the box in The Box. I would have to wait in suspense for the following day.

The next morning, the train pulled into Bet Shemesh – the city where the majority of the morning service participants board the train and the services begin. As everyone is settling in, a man approaches me and asks if I was on the train the previous day. When I answered in the affirmative, he told me he had my keys! He had seen them on my chair after I got off the train and saved them for me. Where else does this happen? Later that day, Ruby emailed me saying that she had forgotten to pack my box of electronics in The Box. In one day I had ‘lost’ my keys and box and the next day they were both ‘found’.

A special thanks to Hadar and Naomi Weiss for bringing the box’s content to Israel for me this week.

Kayaking and Chocolate

Sorry this post is a bit outdated - this took place the day after our cow milking excursion over sukkot. Enjoy

The following day, we awoke early to head to Kfar Blum’s kayaking. As I have mentioned in past blog posts, Israel is not a land that has abundant water. We pray for rain here in the winter and you would be hard pressed to find a person complain about rain here, because it is so important. Not coincidentally, Israelis love and appreciate water in a way Americans can’t. a great past time in this country is to hike to a ma’ayan a natural spring and swim in the water. Very few people in this country have swimming pools.

The kayaking was really move like lazy river rafting in inflatable canoes for two. Every time my family travels to the North of Israel, we “kayak” on the Jordan and the groups are always the same – Yechiel and I, Rachel and Itay and my parents together – Atara and Daniel also, when they are with us. This outing was particularly fun. We never really stay in our boats and as we cruise down the water we find fun things to do. This time Yechiel and I had a stone skipping contest (he won), collected lost sandals – we got 7 and found a bunch of ropes tied to trees – this was the most fun part – we would pull over our boat, climb out of the river and swing into the water Tarzan style on the ropes… good times. We went with our cousins on the rafting but couldn’t keep up with them. The ride down usually takes an hour and a half but with all of our detours and distractions, it took about two and a half hours. If you are in the North of Israel, I put kayaking on the Jordan up there with milking cows as activities not to be missed.

The following day we made up to meet our cousins at the De Karina chocolate factory. In classic Kelman style, we were running fashionably late, and that was before I realized I hadn’t returned my house key and made us all go back. Our cousins went to a winery first but we figured we were too late to catch up to them. There were signs for the Golan winery on the way, so we turned onto a dirt road which didn’t seem like the way to go, but we none the less headed that way to see if it would take us to the winery. We stopped a car going in the other direction and asked if we were near the winery. It turned out that the winery was not near bye, and that the sign was directing to the winery’s vinyards. We asked if there was anything wine related near bye before the chocolate factory tour and the man dais follow me.

His name was Gabi and he was one of the heads of the kibbutz that grows grapes for the Golan Winery. He took us to the vineyard and showed us the different grapes that were growing and about how wine is grown in Israel. The grapes were delicious and surprisingly sweet for grapes that would soon be pressed into dry red wine. The Golan Heights are made of volcanic soil which is apparently ideal conditions for growing grapes. One interesting fact that we learned was that unlike in Napa Valley or Australia, vineyards in the Golan Heights do not need to be covered by canopies to protect the fruit from birds. Due to the climate in the Golan, there simply are no birds that eat at the grapes. These conditions save the kibbutz thousands of dollars per acre of grapes. After showing us the vineyards, Gabi took us to see the kiwi and apple orchards that the kibbutz managed. Kiwis are cool. They grow similarly to Bananas on large tree like vines. There are male and female kiwi plans. The males don't make fruit but are planted near the female plants in order to pollinate the flowers that turn into kiwis.

After out super special impromptu tour of the vineyards and orchards, we headed to De Karina chocolate factory. The De Karina family has been making chocolate for something like three or four generations. A few years back, Mrs. De Karina moved the business from South America to Israel. We took a small tour of the small plant and saw how all the chocolate truffles are made. At De Karina every piece of chocolate is handmade (many in molds) and they have no machines to make the chocolate. Disappointingly, they don’t actually roast the cocoa beans there – they buy a base chocolate from a European company and then melt it down and add to it to make it their own. The best part of the tour was the chocolate work shop where we were each given a small tray and told to make a creation of chocolate from melted chocolate in squeeze bottles. Once our creations were done they were to be put in a refrigerator to harden and for us to take home.

All great Kelmans think alike. My mom and dad simply started to fill up their tray to make a brick of chocolate. I took a similar approach and made a zebra of white and milk chocolate that filled up nearly the whole tray – it was more a disguise to take as much chocolate as possible while having a design. The whole time we were making out chocolate creations, we eating and drinking (liquid chocolate in the chocolate shot glasses intended for us to sample their chocolate liquor) chocolate. By the end of our tour of the De Karina, I was ready to start my new diet, which among other things excludes everything chocolate except on Shabbat. De Karina was no Hershey’s tour. It was fun in a nice different way. After De Karina we headed back down to Yerushalayim.

Country Boys and Girls Gettin' Down on the Farm

After the holiday and the Sabbath, Atara and Daniel returned to the States – apparently Deloitte DC doesn’t have an office closed half day of vacation policy over Sukkot, where you can either work 4 hours from home each day or take half days of vacation for the week and have a week off for, in my case, 1.5 days of vacation.

The rest of us headed to the north of Israel to enjoy the Golan Heights. We met up with our cousins at Kfar Blum, a kibutz that operates a hotel. The kibutz is located on the Jordan River and is in a very scenic area with fields covering the rolling hills, flat valleys and elevated plateaus of the Golan Heights.

When we arrived on Sunday afternoon, it was too late for a hike or excursion, so I went for a run and then hit the pool. Our cousins had planned a unique night activity. After a quick shower, we were off to the dairy farm.

That’s right. The dairy farm. We went to the Bet Hillel dairy farm to learn about milking cows and how the farm operates. It was a very cool experience. We learned a lot about cows and the milking process – so much so that we were issued diplomas certifying that we roughed the stench (it was not pleasant to say the least) and learned “all there is to know” about milking cows.

Nowadays, dairy farms are highly automated. The cows are milked by machine and each one has a maximum security parole style anklet on that tells the milking system which cow is being milked and how much milk it generates. Is it odd that I think I’d have fun playing with the Excel spreadsheet that charts all the cow’s milk output. I could pivot that bad boy and perform all kind of milking analytics… I am still on the commute home, but clearly my heart is still in the office.

The farm operates 24-7 with three milkings a day per cow. Our tour guide told us that Israel holds a record (not sure who monitors this claim but he said Guinness could attest to the fact) that Israeli cows generate more milk than any other cows in the world – maybe because they are milked more often. Life on the farm is hard for the cows – they are constantly being impregnated so that they can generate milk. When cows give birth to calves, a process that I was surprised to find out takes 9 months, they initially put out yellowish milk that is  not fit for human consumption. After a little while, it switches to straight up milk. That is when they are put back in the line-up. When the cow stops generating milk again, it is impregnated again through artificial insemination. The farm had a section for pregnant cows – they were huge, calves – really cute, and milking cows – most of them. When a cow stops generating milk after being pregnant, or if they are not producing enough milk, they go to “al ha-esh” literally – on the fire, the Israeli term for barbeque.

When we went in the milking area, we were shown how cows were milked “back in the day” by hand. After milking a cow just a little bit – and getting kicked when I demonstrated poor form, I decided that back in the day, I would probably not have felt the juice or in this case milk was worth the squeeze and would not have drank a lot of shoko – chocolate milk.

Me, Mom, Cousin Rachel and Brother-In-Law Itay Milking Cows

After milking the cows, we went to feed the calves with bottles. The calves were really cute – they were about the size of really large dogs and were very playful. When you’d go to pet them, they’d try to suck on your hand. When you stuck your thumb in their mouth, they licked on it. It was at this point that I felt the taste buds scratching on my finger and was reminded why I don’t eat tongue. We fed the calves with bottles and watched them kiss and play with each other.

After the experience, I still drink milk and love the great dairy products Israel produces. I do however have a greater appreciation for the work that goes into getting milk and an even great appreciation for the work that used to go into getting milk. The outing was off the beaten path and a really cool time. The next time you find yourself in Bet Hillel in the Golan Heights at 7:30 at night, I recommend you stop by. There is also not much else to do there at night.

Arba minim

After our sumptuous dinner, the day was still not over. We still had a lot of preparation to do before Sukkot holiday, which started the following night. Since some of you already know what Sukkot is, please see here if you are not familiar http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki.sukkot. We went off to the very orthodox neighborhood of Geulah to purchase our arba minin the four species.

To those who are unfamiliar with Sukkot, the site of people purchasing citrons and palm branches may be a disorienting first. To Orthodox Jews having grown up with the holiday and its traditions, the Shuk Ha’Lulavim or Market of Palm Branches can be equally overwhelming. There were hundreds of vendors selling thousands of lulavim and etrogim – citrons.

It was a really cool experience shopping at the “market” for the arba minim. A lot of care is often put in buying the most beautiful, blemish free citrons and the straightest, un-split palm branches. The selection and quality at the market was unparalleled and impressive.

Here’s to you 5A… The Inaugural Shawarma

I want to dedicate this post to my old roommates in New York, who as I understand it through a large “We Miss Yoel” dinner over the past holiday in my honor. Thanks guys. You are the best roommates a guy could ever ask for.

We arrived at Hashamen at around 6 pm after not having eaten since breakfast in the Dead Sea. It was so on. We ordered 6 Laffas and went to town.

For those of you who are not familiar with the Shawarma process here is a short tutorial:

1.       Salty mystery meat usually called “Turkey,” “Dark Meat Chicken” or “Lamb” rotates on long skewers as pieces of fat are melted over the meat from burners that surround the meat.

Cuttin the meat

2.       After you choose your meat, you must “choose” your bread. I put this choose in quotes because it is not really a choice – theoretically, you can choose a lafa, a soft delicious round piece of bread that encompasses all that is good in a Shawarma or a pita. Not to knock the official bread of the Middle East, but when you are sitting down for a kilo-calorie feast of fat covered meat, a pita just doesn’t cut it. Pitas are always cheaper because they hold less and are just not meant for Shawarma. Ordering Shawarma in a pita is like bringing a fork to a hot dog eating contest – it just doesn't belong. Now before I rant for too long about pita vs. lafa (again not a contest – its like a male figure skater vs an NFL linebacker – just different purposes), let me get on to step 3.

3.       Order the fixings. There are certain go-to things that are put in a Shawarma. You start with choosing hummus, then hot sauce, then chips (French/Freedom fries). I am not sure if it is like the Soup Nazi that you have to start that way, but I have never seen someone ask for chips, charif (hot suace) and hummus – the order always goes “Chummus, kitzat charif, v’chips” (hummus, a little hot sauce and fries) or in my case “b’liy chips” – without chips.

4.       We then move onto the salads. There is classic Israeli salad - cucumbers, tomatoes and onions, pickles, cabbage, onions and depending on the place a few others.

5.       Then sauces – everyone knows tehina and then there is its lesser known cousin – Amba, a spicy mango sauce that is mad good. If your falafel/Shawarma place does not have Amba, it is likely not legit.

Itay is not pointing at the Amba - its on the bottom left

6.       There is also the salad bar which had choices of other classic – mostly pickled – salads and toppings that you can either enjoy on the side or put on top of your Shawarma bite by bite. A good place like Hashamen will let you go to town on the salad bar, realizing that the cost of salad is marginal.

 

7.       Enjoy

The Residual Grease... Yummy

All in, we ordered 6 Shawarma Laffas and some drings for just over $70 bucks… it was a delicious bargain. We feasted. Here is to me not eating Shawarma every meal since I arrived, contrary to my supportive roommate’s predictions. After writing this, I am going to have to have another soon.

And We're Back

Firstly, an apology to all my loyal readers who had many a sleepless night over these past nearly two weeks rolling around in bed wondering if there would ever be another blog post. Fear not, I am returning from my hiatus (vacation with my family) with a fury of posts. A special apology to a special reader that constantly asks for more – without him I would be convinced that no one reads this thing. I’d still post none the less. I would thank him by name but don't want it to go to his head.

So it was Monday afternoon and my short 3 day week was even shorter. After having worked four whole days the week before, I was able to take off a day early and take off Tuesday. Off I went on the train to meet Atara and Daniel (older siblings) at the airport. Our destination was the Dead Sea where we were to meet the rest of the family that had arrived earlier that day. We rented what looked like a modern, chic clown car and off we went. A little over two hours later we arrived in En Bokek, a nirvana in the middle of the desert that is likely more man-made than natural. It is none the less, beautiful (see the pictures below). We ran into the family as we were pulling up to the hotel; they were off to the sea for a night swim. We quickly changed and joined them.

The Dead Sea from my balcony

Ein Bokek - the resort area on the Dead Sea

View of the hotel pool and Dead Sea

Floating in the Dead Sea at 11 pm under a star light night with a warm desert breeze blowing the pungent Dead Sea smell past you is a great way to kick back after a long two-day work week. The next morning day was more of the same – after a huger breakfast, we headed to the “beach” and floated more in the Sea. The most notable difference in the day from the night before was the temperature. By 11 am, the thermometer clock next to the pool was reading 45° C, or 113° F for you non-metric Yankees, really hot. The sea began to feel like a pool and it was time for the mud. Almost as though it were a ritual, my siblings mom and I covered ourselves in Dead Sea mud and baked out in the sun before washing our skin in the salty, nearly boiling water. 

Earlier in the day when it was only 42 degrees C

The trip down to the Dead Sea was magnificent, until it was time to go. My parents, sister, brother-in-law and little brother came down in a plus sized version of our clown car… there was no way I was squeezing in. Atara and Daniel were off to see his aunt and uncle in the north… Yoel got to take the bus. When a bus is 15 minutes late in 113° weather, you feel each minute. When it stops at every tiny sign of civilization on the should be 1.5 hour drive to take 3 hours, you are sure you are sure to get off the bus with a nice dehydration headache and a big hunger.

I called my family and told them to meet me at Hashamen (The Fat is back)… it was time for my long-overdue first Shawarma.